Shut Up

This blog was originally meant to be some kind of ED blog, but I haven't been talking about such much, and I don't know, I don't think I have an ED, which makes me feel gross, inside and out, because then, the whole thing would have been just a phase.

There's a voice that constantly nags me about how fat I am, but other than that, I've been eating. Way. Too. Much. Not even binging, just eating too much. Well, technically, I've been eating a 'right amount' by Health Class standards, but in my opinion I've been eating way too much.

In addition to that, I've been getting bouts of Mark's voice (Mark is what I call the voice in my head), telling me not to eat and such. The last time I really heard him, I was binging and then he said, "Why are you eating? You're always eating. You never listen to me. Why do I even try? If you wanted to be skinny you would do what I say. I give up!"

It makes me feel horrible that a figment of my imagination "gave up" on me.

In other news, I'm nearing one month cut free, but it's driving me crazy. I can't tell anyone about my problems and cutting was the only thing that kept me from going over the edge. I feel like I'm walking in a daze, but I also like it in a way, because this feeling is much more self-destructive than cutting or burning or punching ever was.

Also, I had another dream about S, just last night. That's three now. What on earth?